It hasn't rained in what seems like almost a year here in Northern California, so when the rain actually did show up this morning I knew without a doubt that I wanted to take myself to one of my old favorite running hide-a-ways. Away from cars, stoplights, noise...civilization! The Nimitz Way Trail is nestled in the Berkeley Hills/Tilden Regional Park area and is host to amazing views of the San Francisco Bay.
I pulled into the parking lot and immediately noticed a group of four women in their mid-forties standing together chatting, laughing and stretching their extremely fit bodies. They were all beautiful and well put together in their yoga gear and form-fitting running tights. One of the women had perfectly chiseled back and shoulder muscles rippling out from her exercise bra top. Really lady? A bra top? It's 8:40 in the morning and it's freaking raining!
They take off down the trail... the lady with the Greek goddess bodice is walking a perfectly groomed, well-behaved Golden Retriever. Of course she is I thought to myself. Perfect lady with the perfect body, perfect hair AND NOW...the perfect dog? I QUIT! ..(.mind you my old grumpy dog bit me on the foot yesterday but that's a whole different blog)!
I decide to hang back...let them get a bit ahead of me. I start my watch and head off down the trail taking in all the fresh scent from the rain-soaked, moss covered Sequoia trees. And then it dawned on me. I came out here to run. I'm going to have to RUN passed these four fitness pageant models (yes, I'm being serious). What are the chances? Maybe they were going to be doing a photo shoot for something. Why are they here on what I had already decided would be my perfect day? As panic and fear set in, all I could imagine as soon as I picked up my feet to run was them stopping dead in their tracks and craning their necks around to see what giant Stegosaurus is shaking the ground under their feet.
I picture them snickering as I run passed and saying to one another "Wow, how does she move her body like that?" or "How can she physically move ALL OF THAT AROUND?" I imagined Bra Top lady saying to her friend, "Well even Clydesdale's can run honey" as she cackled like the Wicked Witch of the West. To my surprise, as I approached the "Mean Girls" they turned, made eye contact and said "good morning" almost in unison. WHAT? They were actually being nice...to me? It was at that moment that my feet felt a little bit lighter and I felt my feet take off from under me. I felt a little self-confidence rush in.
I ran for a total of 4 miles along a peacefully quiet out and back Eucalyptus-lined trail. And along that trial I had a grand epiphany. You see, I realized it wasn't that those women thought they were better than me...it was that I allowed myself to think of those women as better than me. And for what? Because they're fit? It sounds so ridiculous now, but in that moment, I had the same self-conscience, insecurity issues as every other girl I know. On my way back I had to pass those women again...this time head on. They all smiled, made eye contact and said "have a great day". It made me think: I relinquished all my self-worth and validation because of my own insecurities. The unhappiest people in this world are those who care the most about what other people think. From this day forward, I will stop holding back for fear of what others might think. Too much time has been wasted, too many whispers of doubt have had their hay day. It's all positive reinforcement from this day forward!
XOXO-
Jen
